Welcome to Jeff's personal website! My day job is to figure out how cells work.
The site is under construction and will be ready when I feel like it (read: whenever I have time to make it).

In the meantime, please enjoy some of my favourite song excerpts ~

• • • To all Warriors & Weirdos across time, blessed yet cursed to walk this Earth • • •

• • • And here are some favourite lyrics from other artists • • •

That's all I have for my website at the moment. Come back later when it's done.

If you are easily offended, I suggest you stop here and not read onwards.
 (Next sections contain offensive language and political opinions)

You have been warned, fuck-face.
 Don't worry, I'm not that mean, and I certainly don't bite — unless we're very close ;)

• • • Q&A because I can • • •

Q: Why is your website named "The Absurd Scholar"?
A: I work in academics; I am also an existentialist.

Q: Can you help me with (Insert request here)?
A: Maybe, if you can figure out how to reach me. No guarantees, though.
  If you cannot figure out how to reach me, you don't deserve my reply.

Q: Why are you ghosting me?
A: I only have 24 hours a day, you did not make it to the top of my priority list.

Q: But I'm actually important!
A: Then I missed your message. Sorry-not-sorry, quit whining and just send a follow-up.

Q: Your website looks like crap.
A: Scroll back to the top, read the second sentence, and kindly fuck off.

Q: Help I'm stressed!
A: Use the 10-10-10 rule. If you know, you know. If not, LMGTFY.

Q: Can I ask politically-charged questions?
A: Yes, but if you live in a liberal "democracy", you may not like my answers.

Q: How can I fix the economy/society/world?
A: Educate, Agitate, Organize: Resist the New Red Scare.
  If you are already a socialist/communist, or really anything left of a social democrat, watch this, then go do the above.
  For suggestions on topics to work on, read the next question.

Q: What else do you believe in, you dirty commie?
A: 1) I am a leftist. Liberals are not leftists. I despise liberals as much as the far-right.
  2) Food, housing, and healthcare are human rights, not investments.
  3) Privatisation sucks, trickle-down is a lie. Nationalise all essential industries & services.
  4) Suburbs are financially unsustainable. Car-centric urban planning must die.
  5) If buying isn't owning, piracy isn't stealing. Subscription models are extortionary.
  6) My product is MY product. All should have the right to repair.
  7) Two is one, one is none. Preparedness is a must, gun skills are a plus.

Q: Ok but revolution is scary and I don't wanna die, what can I do right now to make a difference? (Step-by-step recommendations)
A: 1) Read and educate yourself and others. Learn and apply new skills.
  2) Join your labour union or similar groups, even if just to stay informed. Participate if possible.
  3) If budget allows, ditch cheap but exploitative corporations. Support local & sustainable alternatives where possible.
  4) Volunteer, donate to, and/or start LOCAL community support initiatives (e.g. food banks, shelters, community services, etc).
  5) If by this point you still do not know what to do next, you have not done enough of #1.

Q: I don't like your attitude or ideologies.
A: I don't give a fuck, nor does reality or the thousands dying every day under the boots of Capital.
  Idealism is the bane of action; Apathy fills the graveyard of progress.

Q: Do you still love me?
A: Yes <3

Q: Can you be less political?
A: Fine, just for you, snowflake, and just for the next few questions.

Q: What is your favourite colour?
A: PURPLE.

Q: Who is your favourite artist?
A: You clearly didn't read my website, did you?

Q: What is your favourite food?
A: Watermelon.

Q: Where were you born?
A: Montréal.

Q: So you speak French then?
A: Ben évidemment ouais selon la question précédente, criss de taouin.

Q: When were you born?
A: 1996.

Q: Why were you born?
A: Good question.

Q: How were you born?
A: WTF, weirdo.

Q: How tall are you?
A: 183.

Q: How short are you?
A: 6.05.

Q: How far can you jump?
A: 1.

Q: How high can you jump?
A: 1.

Q: How fast are you?
A: 10-12.

Q: How slow are you?
A: 1.5.

Q: Please use units.
A: No.

Q: What is your real name?
A: Stalk me online and you'll find out.

Q: What is your credit card #, social insurance ID, and mother's maiden name?
A: Fuck off.

Q: My question is not listed!
A: Not my problem. See Question 2.

Keep scrolling

Look mum, I am wasting this idiot's time!

Wow you actually read the whole thing, I'm impressed. Or maybe you just skipped to this section, in which case... why? It's not like there's a secret hidden here or something... Or is there? Please keep second-guessing yourself.